It's kind of ordinary to be in pain again. But for a brief time, things seemed easier. I knew it was just another way of avoiding the pain, but I did avoid it well.
I'm watching Brothers and Sisters and all the family drama. And I had the thought. What if I had met a different person than Bruce. Someone who wanted me in their life for who I am. What would life have been like. Would it have been enough. I thought how could I expect to attract someone who wanted me for who I am. I never knew that ever, how could it come and find me? And the need I have is so great. It sucks like the void and it is insatiable.
All I can see is a very cold winter where I let Princess die before her time, where I lose my house or my car or I am just miserable.
I watched the rally for sanity and it was inspiring. It was historic to watch and I was amazed by the crowd that attended. It's a real hope against the extremism in our time.
Still I am bed. I need to clean up the dog shit, wash clothes and me. I am cold. It's 50 degrees in here and I don't care enough to do anything about anything. I think about it, but I do nothing.
At least my daughter will have a $10,000 scholarship. She will be able to do things she wants to do. I happy for her and for all the people in her life that love who she is;.
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