"I am invisible, understand, simply because people refuse to see me."I am always amazed by how this show so often touches my soul.
I get involved in different things in cyberspace but how I am living is unchanged and I can't help wishing someone would see me, that someone would want to help me. Somehow I wish my life were worth saving. I know I should save myself, I think about it and I imagine doing it, but I don't.
I got a taste of what bullying feels like again, and while I know the words to say and I can take a stand and did, i cannot stop the way it reaches inside and just hurts.
I think cyberspace is a safer place to be bullied, because no one can see me cry and I can be/appear strong and unaffected, in the way I never learned how to be as a child. I cannot hide my feelings. I am too easy to read. But on the internet I could imagine how it could have been, not by my feelings, but by the words I chose to use.
There is a bigoted bully who trolls the Survivor site and spouts racial slurs and then seems to sit back and watch his impact, by those who react, by those who agree, even though their language would not include racial slurs, they still agree. And then there are those that join in, and defend him and bully those who take a stand against his language. One is his girlfriend. But there a few others. They profess not to be bigoted but love the chaos and reaction they cause.
Here's a lot of what transpired: Doug's comments are missing and have probably been deleted.
Scott S: GHETTO NIGGER NAONKA,SLANT EYED GOOK BRENDA,OLD PRUNEFACE HAG JANE & WORTHLESS,USELESS CRIPPLED DAN ALL NEED TO BE GONE....
Kristen S: Ok Scott you clearly need to calm down. Taking it WAY too seriously! There's no need to call people names. You're outta control dude!
Scott S: I JUST CALL THEM HOW I SEE THEM
Alexandra N: naonka is rude and needs to go home. jane is a threat to everyone else cuz the whole jury would vote for her to win (although i like her a lot). purple kelly does NOTHING to help around camp. aahhh this season is terrible.
Lynn C: Oh that bitch na has got to go can't stand her scanky ass!!!!!!!!!!
Rhonda H: I so agree this season is terrible... But pulling for Jane... Get rid of naskanka
Debbie C: That NaOnka is E-VIL!!!!
Tyler R: Scott ur an idiot. ...
Cathy K: Really Scott? What an ignorant ass. I'm just calling it as I see it, too!
Guillaume S: Go Na Onka !!!!
Scott S: @TYLER R & CATHY K...FUCK BOTH OF YOU ITS CALLED FREEDOM OF SPEECH....YOU DONT LIKE MY POSTS DONT READ THEM...OH WAIT I FORGOT WE ARE ONLY AS FREE AS THE GOVERNMENT ALLOWS US TO BE....
Cathy K: @Donna why take it so personally about Nay haters? She's a bitch and needs her ass kicked just like Marty did.
Me: cool Holly is trying to make a move ... bet she leaks it to the wrong person! exciting though ... brenda may be outwitted cool...
Scott S: WELL THE NIGGER AND PRUNEFACE HAG GET PIZZA!!!!!!!!!
Me: boy is this exciting ... I still bet it Holly that goes home ... but it's starting to look bleak for Brenda
Me: @scott cry like a 2 year old if you must but please clean up your language.
Scott S: @LESLIE...YOU DONT LIKE IT DONT READ IT!!!!!!!!!!!
Me: @Doug and @Scott your posts are being flagged by me and marked as racial hate speech ... I encourage everyone who finds this offensive to do likewise
Scott S: @LESLIE GO BACK TO FUCKIN YOUR DADDY YOU CUM BURPING GUTTER CUNT...
Me: @scott grow up, you are a bully.
Lilia R H: I despise Naunka ...please send her home tonight!
Mephistopheles M S: is it true that naonka will betray brenda? that's why brenda will be voted off tonight? :-S
Scott S: UNLESS NAONKA RAN HER MOUTH TO THE WRONG PERSON AND RETARDED FUCKIN SASH GIVES BRENDA HIS IDOL...
Me: @Doug I don't have a problem with you or Scott having opinions that was not my complaint
Scott S: BYE BYE SLANT EYED GOOK!!!!!!!! WHOSE GOT THE FUCKIN POWER NOW!!!!!!!!!
Me: well so many of you were right about brenda .. too bad but it is more interesting ... gotta love it.
Me: @scott please stop your racial slurs. Surely your vocabulary must contain some other words to express your dislike/hate for a player.
Scott S: RACIAL SLUR YOUR LIPS ON MY ASSHOLE!!!!!!!!!!
Me: Well Brenda's pride did her in... wasn't a smart game move, neither was her talk at tribal, but for a million that's one heck of a stand to take. I suppose if you are going to lose, leaving with your personal integrity intact is a nice way to go.
Scott S: HEY LESLIE CAN YOU SUCK BRENDA'S CLIT A LITTLE HARDER??????
Me: @scott you are a 2 year old. grow up.
Susan N: hey scott that is pretty low to say to leslie,,,,
Me: @susan I flag Scott's inappropriate posts esp his personal attacks on me and reported him (I hope others will do so) and I posted a message on the survivor board. When you stand up to a bully, you get targeted. It's ugly, but I would rather take a stand than stand by silently.
Kimberly F S: FREEDOM OF SPEECH is so right wooohoooo so girls shut up and let ppl say what they want or go 2 e.la with nay nay bahahaha
Christy S: naonka needs to go next week!!!!!!! She drives me crazy!!!!!!!!
Mary T: Nay called it she said Sash will never give Brenda the idol. Like her or not she was right.
Me: Brenda's biggest mistake was to trust NaOnka and to reveal the meaning of her idol clue and show NaOnka where idol was. I think Brenda was naive. That is how the younger tribe is most vulnerable.
Michelle P: Leslie, learn to keep ur trout hole closed and learn "Nigger" is not just a racial slur ya stupid bitch and also learn ur not the fb police...dont like what people say ? dont read it and shut the fuck up!
Me: @Michelle doesn't free speech apply to me too? Or Only those who agree with you?
Michelle P: Well Leslie, everyone has a right to their opinion, BUT just because u dont agree with it....ur first thing is "Im gonna have u flagged"....like wtf ?
Michelle P: I dont like the N word myself, but people like Naonka gives other people black, purple white whatever color that reputation.
Yolanda W: @ michelle. whoa! i must have missed something. who used the "N" word and why? leslie or scott,
Michelle P: Scott is my boyfriend. He comes on here and voices his opinion like everyone else and Leslie's always like its racial its racial.....the term "nigger" is not always a racial slur....any ignorant person can be called that....not just of the black race!
Joshua W: Michelle, you are not aware of the origin of the word "Nigger" It is a bastard english derivative of the Portugese word Negre, which means Black, or of black skin. The only people who have been referred to as "niggers" have been black. ...
Michelle P: Joshua stfu. and I havent called anyone that....you are a small minded person and of course would see it that way :)
Joshua W: Small minded? i would like to think not. Being half African-American, i feel compelled to correct your fallacious usage of that word. It's terrible enough that other African- Americans have adopted common usage of a word used to denigrate them without people diminishing its significance.
Michelle P: Look, I have no issues with any black person, asian person, etc.
Yolanda W: @ michelle. that word is ignorantly used towards one race. yes anyone can be called that but we all know when and why certain ignorant people use that word.
Michelle P: @Yolanda....whether its ignorant or not....people have a right to post what they wanna post...I dont like the word myself....But fuckin people post all kinds of shit on here that others dont agree with.
Kelly P: Some people in this world are so ignorent and dumb! Its NOT ok to use the N word! I hope ur not parents b/c i feel sorry for any kids growing up with rasist parents! This is why our world is so messed up b/c of people like you 2, and you know who you are!
Michelle P: Kelly shut the fuck up and dont read it if ya dont fuckin like it
Michelle P: and Im not racist....I have NO fuckin problem with any race ya stupid cunt
Kelly P: I'll read what I want! Just speaking the truth!
Michelle P: Yea well ur just like Leslie everyone has to agree with you....not fuckin likely....some people on here are decent and some like you are ignorant cunts :)
Kelly P: Such a classy thing you are! Your parents must be so proud :)
Alana M: Now now people. Cool it.
Me: @Michelle ...There are lots of comments I disagree with and some I don't like, but I don't consider flagging those expressions of opinion . However, if you believe in freedom speech as no limits as you claim, how could there be any limits on what/how I choose to comment? Like I said, doesn't seem like you are for complete freedom of speech at all.
Yolanda W: @ joshua. you go boy. put michelle in her place. using all those big words around her empty lil head. you make mamma (me, jk) proud. lol
Carrie M: Man I have never seen or shall I say read in a Survior post were it's centers on a person so negativley more than the game! I know seeing a person acts as bad as NaOnka will evoke strong emotions, but the name calling is a little hard to read...people can we please focus in this great game called Survivor, after all thats the reason why we are all her on this page in the first place! I'm just saying... :-(
Yolanda W: @ michelle. this is "post your comment about survivor", not show your true self (your bf) then get mad when you're told about yourself. calling names so juvenille. if you gonna be grown enough to say what you want, then be grown enough to take it. cunt? who uses that word. lmao calling me that. get bigger reaction from calling people bitches.
Brian E: Michelle, do yourself a favor and read FB policies. No, you cannot say anything on FB. When a comment is flagged one of the reasons involves hateful speech and a sub category listed is targets a race or ethnicity. You cannot harass, intimidate, or cyberbully anyone on Facebook. Please educate yourself on FB policies you agreed to when you signed up on Facebook.
Me: Brenda thought she built trust, but in survivor, trusting the wrong person can be deadly. (I was wrong about her knowing how to assess people). While sad to see Brenda go, she did not come through with a useful strategy to survive. Scheming cannot be beneath you if want to win this game. Good news is that now anything is likely to happen!
Me: @Brian .. I was surprised no one called out Holly at first. That's because they expected Holly to target Brenda, but NaOnka was key in their core alliance, that's why they called her out.
Me: The flock is stupid, and silly of Sash not to take advantage of it better. Shame on Brenda for taking the betrayal personally and forgetting she was in a game for a million dollars. As for Chase ... a total sweetheart, but really his game really sucks.
Me: Funny how we can't help but want to root for the nicer people, but when someone does something evil and backstabbing, we can't also help but delight it. Sandra was a great player because she knew how to make it through each tribal -- by having a smaller target on her than on someone else. The game is about winning it all after all.
Me: While I want to kick Sash for not giving Brenda the idol, fact is, without a viable plan and support, that would have been suicide, and Brenda offered none. Like I said, Brenda took it personally and stopped playing the game. Shame.
Me: @Sandy I missed whose brilliant idea it was to move the wooden crates next to the fire ... I will enjoy watching the episode again online. What's really funny is that whoever thought of it, better keep his/her mouth shut and silly of the others not to remember like me!
Me: @Brian I don't think anyone orchestrates anything. Human nature causes the mayhem all by itself. It's the weakest characters that throw a monkey wrench into the best laid plans. You would think people would expect this, but we don't and certainly the players don't. Whether in it or on the sidelines (us viewers) we all seem to have our blind spots,
Me: @Brian well I have to agree, you have got to admire Sash's ability to act. After last week I was in awe. He had those guys completely fooled after spending an entire day with them. I think Brenda was hoping Sash would show loyalty, but I don't think she was completely surprised that he did not either. Certainly the vote was not a blindside.
Brian E: Leslie, Holly talked to everyone and proposed voting out Brenda. That is clear from tonight's episode. Thus, she orchestrated it. It does not surprise me as Brenda is arrogant. It is beneath her to scramble. NaOnka missed a golden opportunity to set the record straight and call out Holly as the mastermind of the plan. Now NaOnka has made herself vulnerable.
Me: @Brian ... NaOnka doesn't play a a good game. But if she turned on Holly at tribal, people might have changed their vote, Everyone already knew Holly started it all. NaOnka makes a lot of bad moves, I won't be surprised if she doesn't make it to the final three, but my predictions have been wrong ... so we will have to see.
Kelly A: @ lesie...yes I totally was right about brenda and who cares that holly started it.... someone had too....and yes who knows what will go down now.... =) hopefully benry, fabio and dan...and I know dan is sort of lame but...he is still in the game =)
Me: At this point whose game actually gets them to the end and votes from the jury will impress me! Even wishy- washy Chase could make it. But Purple Kelly would be the best. Problem for whomever is at the end is whether they can be persuasive to the jury ... If kelly has that in her, that would be awesome. Fabio is most likely to be able to pull that off.
Me: Not being a Dan fan, I hope he makes it just to final 4/5 so he gets the most misery, and least ponderosa and still loses. Like I said .. not a fan! Ditto re NaOnka.
Me: @Tim ... stop reading this before you watch the show! LOL
Brian E: Leslie, everybody except the jury knows what happened. Also, Brenda did a great job of making NaOnka vulnerable. Votes can change at tribal council based on what you say or don't say. Shannon was voted off very early on for mouthing off when the tribe was going to vote out Brenda.
Me: When will we ever learn ... you make a big play, you paint a target on your back, show super strength and you again... Holly and Jane bit off more than either can chew I suspect. Master manipulators like Russell get far, but no one likes them, so they don't win... Sash is a more likable manipulator, but I don't think he will get Brenda's or Marty's vote. Boy is this the best survivor ever!
Me: @Donna if survivor was about just getting to the end with the best/most devious moves, you would be right. But the ultimate survivor has to both make it to the end and be able to convince all those outwitted that they are most deserving. Hatch pulled it off once, because he was the first. After that, people realized that they could decide the criteria for how to choose the winner, making Russell's game fall short of the mark. Sash may not pull it off if he makes it to the end.
Me: If NaOnka was a real player vs just jumping on the bandwagon, she would have convinced them that Brenda was easy to get rid of without Sash, and they could instead say they were voting for Brenda and vote Sash and his idol out instead. That would have been a memorable blindside. This way the target would still be on Brenda and she would have Brenda on her side.
Cindy T: Leslie - you need to apply for SURVIVOR - you could make it you devious little thing you!
Matt W: ugh. I hate Naonka so much! But she was actually decent this ep. Hope Sash goes next, but he won't. But who knows.
Me: Chase could have made that same argument better to the boys and Dan and Kelly B, leaving Holly and Jane out of the loop -- even NaOnka, and it would have been more clever to convince Sash and Brenda they were voting NaOnka because she was a turncoat. If only more players had some real game play and "balls" when it counts. Or Brenda could have turned the tables onto Sash or NaOnka and let the group chose since both had idols.
Me: @Cindy LOL ... my mind is good, but the body is no way able... I would not want to be worse than Dan!
Me: Does anyone else wonder why Chase is on survivor? He is a sweetheart and loyal, and what a heart, but in survivor that's wishy-washy at best. If he truly wanted to save Brenda, he should have won immunity and given it to her, saying she may seem in control but her two tightest allies have idols and one has turned again her ... not nice but a true stand ... could have flushed out both idols. He said he wanted to stick with Brenda whom he trusted, so why didn't he really try to win... he was wishy-washy when it came to not beating Jane or helping Brenda -- he caved in the moment ... to just being too nice!
Me: @Susan LOL it was raining and they wanted to keep the food dry and fire going!... Loved it!
Me: so many possibilities ... so little (just about everything brains, guts, balls, fast-thinking...) loving it! Also loving hindsight!
Me: @connie ... I like the analogy of a greased pig... NaOnka maybe slippery, but when chase is over, what you are still looking at is a pig. Like Russell, she hasn't got a chance at the money.
but Dan? really? I cannot fathom the challenge he can win.... I commented again today about Holly.
Looking over the words you can't tell that Scott got to me. I chose what I decided to comment on with care. I was shaking. I felt the attack as though it was in person, but because it was not, I could take a stand and speak well, to issue and not reacting. You cannot see me cry in cyberspace.
I commented so much afterwards not because I was caught up in the enjoyment of it, though I did enjoy commenting, but because I wanted to shake off the feelings and to act and emulate the enthusiam and love I have for the game. While the feelings of being attacked still lingered, I wanted to act as though they did not.
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