Thursday, December 2, 2010

Still overwhelmed by survivor...

I know I said it changed me about living .... it is still seeping in ... I had imagined slowly rationing out the dogs canned food to stretch it ... and then I thought ... she wants to live; she loves loving me; she loves being here even just lying by me in bed; she doesn't dwell on the past or wish for anything other than now ... so why should I subject her to rationing ... why not let her have the best of life as she can know it with me now ... I can see I am slowly changing...

Here's some of my comments on survivor this morning. I really liked that Holly made the move she did. I would have done it. Because even in the game for a million dollars, there was a child over there nearly starving and losing her grip, so I would have thought "this could make a difference" and just done it too:
Kudos to Holly for making the only reasonable move given she had the opportunity ... shame of Dan for not saying, what about me, I didn't earn this, can I give it up? ... I would have finally decided he was a possible winner ... but nope ... definitely not. As for the boys ... shame on you letting an older woman who had not eaten for the longest, take the bullet!
Chase is not too smart but totally lovable and the kind of guy your would delight in having as a part of your family. But here he finally made a good game move:
As for lovable Chase ... love you even more ... for saying "even if NaOnka doesn't quit, I am not giving her back the idol!" 
But Brenda blows my mind. What a truly awesome human being. What a true delight as human being:
And Brenda ... what an awesome person ... she embodies what it means to be a truly humane person. Not only was her game play awesome, but she easily separated the game from what these 2 people needed, which was to be heard (and she convinced Marty not to be a jerk to them!). Spending the night with them and never once saying ... gee why didn't you quit and let me stay, shows her true character. She easily wins my vote for the favorite survivor of the season! 
There is so much wasted hate on the blog ... so sad and disappointing:
And NaOnka ... gotta say the lady is consistent ... all about her and her experience ... to those who hate her ... your wasting your time and energy and on what? Really?? Let it go ... let her go... this is just a game ... and she is not in your life. Wishing horrible things on her just brings you down to her level ... do you really want to go there?
NaOnka was definitely spoiled to her detriment regardless of what did or did not have. Her mom said ... don't be a quitter. Wow .. how telling ... If one of my kids was going on survivor that would have been the absolute last thing it would have occurred to me to say! Never would have thought of that! Never.
As for sweet out-of-the-loop purple Kelly... no one understands how to support someone who is quitting ... you don't inspire them, you simply ask them why not wait until tomorrow and see what the day brings ... you can surely last one more day:
As for purple Kelly ... loving it that the next day was so beautiful and sunny ... being a quitter in a game (where there are a team of medical staff there to keep you safe) teaches a lesson just as surviving through it does ... (but the former has the world disgusted by you and latter makes you a hero) and I think the lesson is ever so slowly sinking in and it will surely be a long lasting one... and she is only 20! 
Then there is Fabio ... Jud! Love the name:
As for Fabio one of the dumb and dumber twosome... he is finally starting to win me over ... love his strategy of avoiding being the leader at all costs ... that was the smartest thing he ever said ... so will he make it??? Maybe?? 
Sash has never been my favorite, but he impresses me by how well he acts and so convincingly .. still:
As for super smooth Sash ... thought your asking for the idol and getting it was the move of the season?? Chase has it hands down .. being given the idol without asking for it ... and no one else knows! That's a first ... now if only he has the smarts to find his way to end... Will he get there??? Ummm not sure.... maybe?? (Keep in Jane is smarter than you think ... cause she's a bigger target ... if only he knew....) 
I have been thinking about suicide ... the children dying .... and it is so sad ... I think I understand now why I haven't tried to kill myself ... at 18 I asked myself "If I decided to could I? Am I being honest?" and that led to my cutting the back side of my forearm ... to see if I actually could ... But today .. no matter how I fantasize it in my mind, I am no where near stepping off the edge. I think I know why ... cause that's quitting ... and I don't quit. I could die from a lot of things, but I do not think I will, with a sound mind, step off the cliff (do to speak). So I understand my daughters song ... she really understood me more than I did ... and I don't think she knows it.

I have been thinking about another letter to ellen or recording a video (if I figure out how)... maybe.

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United States
speaking to a universe without ears