Wednesday, December 15, 2010

always toughest just before I do something

Just like it is always darkest before dawn ... It's always the worst just before I do something ... like starting the fire in my wood stove ... not the one in my microwave.... yes I did that and posted it on face book:
Hypothetically speaking, do you know what happens to a slice of frozen bread when you microwave it for 33 seconds only you hit the 3 one extra time? ... It turns totally black and then bursts into a huge flame!
And yes, I wish I knew only hypothetically too!
A little levity may not change anything but at least you get to laugh.

Before I lit the fire it seemed impossible and that it was going to get much worse. I was cold, tired, and sleepy, and wanting to just try and drift off. Hard to understand how I manage to succeed in the face of impossibility that is all in mind ... that I can does not surprise me ... that I manage to do it, does. Maybe it's princess here, loving me, showing no signs of dying, needing me. Maybe it is the fear of losing my freedom if I freeze and don't die; maybe it is simply inevitable as long as time passes and I don't die.

Now it is 40 degrees in here. A long way from being warm enough ... but moving in that direction.

Bathing in impossibility is a harsh place to be hanging out. Distraction is always welcome ... the fire in microwave preceded the fire in my wood stove! Maybe that did it for me ... I didn't laugh out loud .. but in my head I did see it as funny ...  after I noticed how spaced out and disconnected I was to cooking food for myself, and after I put it out and finished cooking some beef and heating more frozen bread. My smoke alarm went off in middle of putting it out and cooking and Princess started to cry ... and I worried about her. Having someone to love right in-your-face makes it easier for me to act. It was thinking about her next to me that got me out of bed in the first place ... to burn the bread ... to start the wood stove's fire.

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About Me

United States
speaking to a universe without ears