Friday, December 10, 2010

letting go...

sometimes ... like when people contact me ... I think it would be better if they just let me go. I spoke with Phil tonight ... I am not doing well ... no one wants to know ... I think it is best to let people walk away and just let myself slowly keep sinking ... I think I have past the point of no return ... I don't see a life line that isn't worse than where I am right now.

I think my cousin Renee said it best ... everyone has enough troubles and struggles and just day to day living ... taking me on is really unreasonable to ask of anyone.

Besides, I may be living poorly and in cyberspace but I am living.

I ask myself .. what's well enough ... and isn't it selfish and wrong to bother anyone about me. I have figured out how to warm enough with wood without gas for now. Once I buy food I will be set for 1-2 months. It's kind of like survivor .. quitting is like saying I need help when I am not dying yet and I can still find a way.

Princess is here with me ... sometime I think she stays alive for my sake. But like I told Phil tonight, killing her would be evil and selfish. She likes to eat and snuggle and she is happy to be with me. I cannot justify killing her for my convenience. Of course he didn't say anything .. he probably disagrees, but he is not me. I cannot kill this animal, my dog, my friend,l that has always been loyal and loving and there for me. I do dearly love her. I can let her go when it is best for her, but when it is about my convenience, I cannot justify it and just don't want to, because to me it is not about letting go, but rather about not executing her because she needs more care.

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About Me

United States
speaking to a universe without ears