another day...

Been busy ... got food and stuff for Princess. I found a red plush bathmat for $9. Princess loves it as a bed and she makes sure she doesn't pee on it ... she and I are getting better at understanding her whines and movements and while she doesn't bark anymore or talk to me in whispers, she still talks to me just the same. I love my dog... got the trash ready for the dump for Wednesday. I was in way to much pain to do it before then, could barely move or walk. Pain killers and advil took a day but they seem to have worked. Thank god I don't do drugs unless really necessary. I got a small number subscribed to me over a year ago for back pain. Since I haven't been doing anything, I don't hurt. When I do something, I am in agony. Makes the prospect to pulling myself together bleak... cause the physical pain will be back as well. Not against dealing with it, but I will need to see the doctors about my back to see how bad it really is. It's the down side of trying to live and manage...the stress of living comes back into play.

Speak and you will find yourself lying... (If that's not a quote I have heard, then I have just coined it). Princess just peed. She didn't mean to. I put her rug in the laundry and the back up down which pales in comparison. Looks like I have to go back and spend $15 for a back up that isn't on sale... She loves it too much not to. I bought them for her comfort and boy was it worth it. She sleeps so soundly and happily. How could I be so silly not to have realized how happy that silly plush bath rug would make her. Feel a bit guilty that I chose the cheaper smaller set of two as a backup. Sometimes (by which I mean almost always) when I think through a choice, I inevitably make the wrong one and in hindsight, it seems obvious. I know it happens on the big stuff like which bills to pay first or in dealing with people, but now I see it happens on the small stuff too. On the flip side, I never notice when it doesn't happen so my perception is skewed and I have no real sense actual percentage... I think though that that when I weigh the options carefully, I more often than not, choose poorly ...experience never helps me access new situations correctly.

Got inspired to write cause I am watching my recorded shows and criminal minds is back on with this quote by George Bernard Shaw:

"The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it's taken place."

Wow that one hit me... I always am frustrated by how I can't understand why when I say things clearly, people seem to not understand. I think clarity isn't the problem. The problem is that the person listening is different than me and so the filter, the weighing of the information, comes out differently than had I heard it. Makes me wonder how anyone ever successfully communicates.

PS ... note to myself ... I am off meds for ADHD and Anxiety, but when I take a dose from the small supply I have left over (hoarding for emergencies), I function. I started bringing wood and then went to Walmart for the dog stuff and clothes (left me nearly crippled with pain the next day). On the way to walmart was when I took my first dose (after the wood). I took three doses over the last 24 hours and the pain meds during and after,,, (Helps the emotional pain enough so that while it still hurts a lot, I can function.) I don't think there is any way I can live this way because my body gives out so quickly. Question is, can I do what is critical before winter ... cause there is a whole lot of wood to bring in and I need to move, discard stuff in the house to bring it in ... maybe I will get to the doctors ... I have been imagining it. Guess I will see just how far this goes ... is it change or just an up blip on the way down... I suppose either way, it is a good thing.