got a gift by ups

I think one of my children sent me a heater .. Kian I suspect ... that was kind and he understood. I am not positive it was him ... but I guessing... I'll find out with this message on Facebook .. just to them:

I got a present delivered by ups today .. it warms my heart too! Are you my secret santa Kian? or are you Christie? Merry Christmas ... I love you both.

It's closing in on 8pm ... It's too early for them to think I am definitely coming ... wish they would call ... maybe I will call them by 9pm. I would rather go out earlier ... to buy stuff at Walmart and Price Chopper.  I'd like Chinese food too. It would be a waste of money, but I would love it ... I dream of pizza at times. I want plenty of food for my dog ... winter will last for 3 more months. Living off of ramen, eggs, bread, popcorn, potatoes ... makes it easy to dream of food ... like meat and chocolates!

When I am on the edge, little things trip me up .. in hindsight they make no sense, and yet, time and again, the same thing happens, different things, but always something.

Criminal Minds: about a victim who survived:

"Scars remind us where we've been. They do not have to dictate where we are going."

That's what I have wanted to believe all my life ... but I think they influence us, nonetheless, and for me that has, at times, not been my finer moments. On the other hand, despite the scars, who I am has shined through. But it does not shine on me. Still it is enough to have shined on others, those I have deeply loved and those I have hardly known. My kindness and love touches those with whom I interact.

Criminal Minds: Ralph Waldo Emerson:

"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us."

I don't remember this quote. I have seen the episode maybe twice. I hope this is true. I believe it. I live my life and continue to live ... believing who I am matters most, even if I don't truly matter.